when we are born, our breath is so labored, frenetic and so easily calmed and brought back to stability by simply being placed on a mother or fathers' chest. and then, they take to breathing and other bodily behaviors so wonderfully that you are confused why as adults we don't breathe, move and behold in the present as they do. when you watch a toddler breathe, they breathe with their bellies, all the way out expanding and with a rhythm, no holding in when stressed, and they use their bodies in a way that is enviable to me, they squat perfectly, they pick things up a certain way, they dance or run from mundane place to place, they sing and imagine, they stay present, and they imagine. sometimes when i am off, i use my kids as my regulator. funny how the roles reverse.... there is so much we learn from them if we let it guide us. prana, our life force, our energy, and yama, the extension of this, describes what i see in my kids naturally. to breathe through life with such full and complete extensions and without restraint.
amaia has always been very anxious. and the last four years, i've developed this internal dialog with her anxiety and have developed my own quiet anxiety, as if for the moments i wait - use to be, all eggshells all day, wondering when the next meltdown or over stimulation would occur. she was so easily affected yet so resilient at the same time. a very sensitive and emotional orchid. of course, she's growing and we've tackled a lot of this with her gut, but i've learned so much about mindfulness because of this orchid. and she's becoming more like a wild flower rather than an orchid. sometimes even if you assume its temperament, and you wrack your brain on you abilities as a parent, finding more ways for empathy, connection and new solutions to pinpoint the triggers, food and gut health is such a huge part of how we feel and behave. i am similar attuned now, in that if i eat anything i pay attention to how it makes my body feel, how i respond. once we've got a hold of the physical health issues that affected and manifested her behaviorally it was as if the clouds parted, and sunshine appeared. and i started to see the investment of consciously parenting from the beginning despite it looking like it wasn't going to make a difference. i've also been thankful for the growth, and the awareness of my inner child and how i relate and interact with her and my other child. i still have anxiety, and she still has a hard time with failure, but slowly its getting better. and i'm paying attention to my pranayama.