'our children are, in the words of khalil gibran, the gift of life's longing for itself. they run toward life, arms open, and life loves itself through their small bodies....
pressing themselves into the sand, sifting dirt, watching an inchworm measure a branch, reaching toward the black cat, who evades, then looks at them through inscrutable green eyes... it is their biological imperative to reach toward life, and we, their caregivers, must structure the way in which life reaches back, they way they are touched in return.
they need to be touched by grass, flowers, sunshine, birdsong. they need a pile of dirt, earthworms, clay for mud pies and dirt balls for target practice. they need sticks and bare feet, stubbed toes, too. the need songs and stories, paints, costumes. and games that go on without end.
these children are life reaching out to discover itself. what they touch must be vibrantly alive, that in growing they may learn to respect, to nurture, to cherish and protect. this is our task; it is urgent they thrive. they are hope itself, here, now, forever'
i started reading heaven on earth again, was actually looking for some crafts, suggestions - inspiration for our upcoming flight, i will be spending the summer in south east asia with the girls, while nick does some 'army work' as amaia likes to call it.
i stumbled upon this quote just as i was about to shut the book, and somehow the universe knew i needed to read it. i'm sure all our children have come to us for some reason, for really enabling us to turn on those dark spots in our lives that needed tending to, and we open onto our children sometimes with our own past hurts, our exhaustion, our confusion, our fears -- and always received with love and without judgment. it has been an incredibly struggling, yet eye opening journey with my little amaia. she's maybe more of who i am than i thought it was possible. she also has some real struggles that i don't share with many, and i'm not sure if i can find myself to do it on this blog. it's been a really long road, but i wouldn't have changed it - not quite, i wouldn't have been on this amazing path, of this awareness in parenting, this gentleness on each other, this understanding, this letting go and connecting, this tangibility of such raw emotions, and this resilience that persists, and the things that we can accept... if we never had these struggles, i don't know that i would be as passionate about as many things parenting, birth, nutrition....of course, it didn't come at a cost, and no marriage can handle things like so easily. but we've been rough on each other,... with all our moves, and our struggles trying to figure out what plagued our daughter so much. something i instinctually knew at birth, that most people would brush off as high needs to a new, exhausted mother with unrealistic expectations... i mean, even so, it is hard as a new mother as it is, but i loved it and even with our second, veda, i loved it.. and understood more so, that it wasn't me, or postpartum depression, or that i didn't know how to soothe my child. wasn't sure how much i would talk about here, or if i would have several parts to this. when i see these pictures of amaia dancing, and these days, more like year really, just able to focus on being her, being a kid, without the pain and issues that have affected her behaviorally, emotionally, mentally.
you wouldn't know it, but she's come such a long way. and despite it all, she's always been this big giant heart, receiving all feelings to the very core of her being, fragile and sensitive to all situations, and deeply wise.
maybe i'll talk about it again, but its painfully sting like, to open such a big box that stirs up the very raw emotions, the whys, the how comes, the shoulds, the self criticism, the dark parts of blaming each other, of tearing each other apart... of parents not knowing what to do, but not doing anything for each other either... i want to badly to have it pour out from my head to my screen. if it wasn't for my husband, or the friends that i've had to listen and be there in support daily, it would have been near impossible for me.
i hope you've been running toward life, with arms open, reaching to it with love, despite whatever struggles you're going through. however different, however small, however large. this little girl in the pictures is always running to life, like any child, despite how hard it is for her sometimes...